It may sound odd, but in this era of lifestyle vloggers, social media influencers, and ubiquitous life coaches who seem to have it all figured out, talking about impostor syndrome feels out of place. And yet, if we tune into the people we meet IRL (in real life—not the curated highlight reels online), we’ll see it pop up all the time.
One of the most well-known anecdotes about impostor syndrome comes from Neil Gaiman:
Some years ago, I was lucky enough to be invited to a gathering of great and good people: artists and scientists, writers and discoverers of things. And I felt that at any moment they would realise that I didn’t qualify to be there, among these people who had really done things.
On my second or third night there, I was standing at the back of the hall, while a musical entertainment happened, and I started talking to a very nice, polite, elderly gentleman about several things, including our shared first name. And then he pointed to the hall of people, and said words to the effect of, “I just look at all these people, and I think, what the heck am I doing here? They’ve made amazing things. I just went where I was sent.”
And I said, “Yes. But you were the first man on the moon. I think that counts for something.”
And I felt a bit better. Because if Neil Armstrong felt like an impostor, maybe everyone did. Maybe there weren’t any grown-ups, only people who had worked hard and also got lucky and were slightly out of their depth, all of us doing the best job we could, which is all we can really hope for.
Just Not Enough
Impostor syndrome is that persistent feeling that you’re not good enough, not qualified enough, and surely, one day, everyone will find out.
You decide to write a book. You carve out time, maybe even outline a few chapters. But before you even get into the groove, a nagging voice creeps in — “Who am I to call myself a writer (or a businesswoman, athlete, creator, artist)…?”
The trouble with impostor syndrome is that it’s one of the biggest impediments to personal growth. It keeps us from stepping into the identity of the person we’re working hard to become, and that can cause all sorts of problems.
Why Identity Matters
How we define ourselves—the labels we choose—shapes what we do. Identity isn't just a reflection of what we’ve done; it’s a powerful driver of future behavior.
When we embrace a certain identity, we naturally begin to act in alignment with it. This is not just motivational mumbo jumbo—it’s backed by science.
The reason identity helps shape our behaviors is because of cognitive dissonance—the mental discomfort that arises when our actions don’t match our beliefs or identity.
If you tell yourself, “I’m a healthy eater,” but you regularly reach for junk food, your brain feels that inconsistency. One of two things has to give: the behavior or the belief. If your identity is strong enough, you’re more likely to shift your behavior to stay aligned.
How We Define Ourselves
Action builds identity, not the other way around—even people at the top—authors, CEOs, artists—report feeling like frauds. What separates them is not the absence of doubt but the ability to act despite it.
Ironically, one of the best antidotes to impostor syndrome is to do the very thing it tries to prevent: embrace the identity anyway.
Author James Clear, in his bestselling book Atomic Habits, writes:
The most effective way to change your habits is to focus not on what you want to achieve, but on who you wish to become.
If your goal is to write a book, you could set a goal like “write 500 words a day.” But if you internalize the identity of “I am a writer,” you no longer need daily motivation. Writers write. That’s what they do. Your behavior follows your belief.
So, you write—even when the voice in your head tells you you’re not “real” enough.
This is where our identity—how we define ourselves—becomes our shield. It gives us something solid to stand on when self-doubt creeps in.
In short, referring to yourself as a writer, runner, or a leader doesn’t mean you are a pompous a**, it simply tells your brain you have work to do to make that identity a reality.
So, go ahead and embrace your identity. Turns out, being yourself is actually the plot twist no one saw coming.