Take the High Road: How to Rise Above Everyday Drama

I take the high road because it’s easier to look down on people from up there.

Lately, I find myself grappling with questions that are bigger than my daily to-do list. Maybe it’s a function of age, but instead of obsessing about my favorite problem—productivity—I’ve pivoted to worrying about things that are much more uncomfortable: values, ethics, character, and what it actually means to be a good human being without getting all caught up in drama of our lives. Yikes!

Take the high road

Trying to find the high road after a lifetime of navigating around potholes seems like a very midlife thing to do. You know, like taking skydiving lessons, or adding leather jackets to a wardrobe.

But I’m not alone. To borrow David Brook’s phrasing, around midlife is when most of us realize we are better off building eulogy values instead of resume virtues. Ultimately, when we pass, no one’s going to care about the degrees we accumulated, the perfect spreadsheets we built, or the $$$ in our bank accounts (okay, maybe some interested parties may care about the last one). What matters above all is our eulogy values—our depth of character and our generosity of spirit; whether we are able to connect soulfully to others without expecting anything in return.

Trying to be a better human

Anyway, going back to my quandary, my life’s balance sheet so far seems heavily tilted to the resume values side of things, and I’m kind of batting below average on the eulogy values.

This whole “being a good person” business is complicated. And whenever I feel like I have it figured out, the universe seems to throw in a curveball as if to say, “Oh, you think you have it sorted? Try handling this.”  The silver lining in all of this is that it’s made me less delusional and more self-aware.

Just to be clear—I’m by no means a troublemaker or a bad actor. In fact, when I’m by myself, I’m practically an angel, with the noblest intentions and the highest thoughts. But when I have to deal with others’ whimsies and demands, especially when they clash with my priorities, the angel in me starts to unravel, making it much harder to take the high road.

How to elevate ourselves

I guess it’s easy to be saintly when you’re a monk, detached from pedestrian worldly cares like jobs, finances, and family responsibilities. (I’m sure monks would disagree with this characterization.)

But, how do we elevate ourselves and take the high road in the midst of what the Eastern traditions refer to as samsara (a term that refers to the world and its trappings, both good and bad)?

Based on my limited understanding and study of various philosophies, I believe it’s best to start working on these three ideas:

Develop Equanimity

If I’m being honest, a lot of things irk me. It could be something as inconsequential as loud chewing, or planet-altering like EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) policy changes. The first step to taking the high road is learning to let go. And while that is hard to do, this advice may help:

The wise say that every annoyance is really just a prompt—a little nudge to help us build equanimity and focus on what we can control. And if we can’t control it, well, it’s an opportunity to work on how we respond.

Do one unselfish thing everyday

Life can feel a lot lighter if we stop putting ourselves at the center of everything. One of the best ways to quiet down that whiny, needy part of us is by doing something that genuinely helps someone else. In the Hindu Vedic philosophy, this is the basic idea behind Karma Yoga—it’s all about serving others as a path to enlightenment.

There’s a quiet satisfaction in doing something kind and expecting nothing in return. Bonus points if we’re able to be kind to others and keep it under wraps (inner gloating is fine).

Also, it’s important to schedule time for kindness into our days. Like abs, kindness is a muscle that can atrophy if not exercised regularly.

Stop Wishing Life (or We) Were Different

It’s tempting to think that if only things were different, or if only we were different, life would be easier.

But as Kevin Kelly said,

If we threw all our problems in a big pile, and we saw everyone else’s problems, we’d immediately grab ours back.

Even on days when we can’t muster the strength to be grateful for our circumstances, let’s at least settle for acceptance and stop wishing things were different.

Finally

You are only as big as the things that make you angry.

Becoming a bigger person isn’t about enlightenment; it’s about tiny, consistent acts of grace (and humor) in the face of life’s many, many challenges. We’re all works in progress, not saints or sages, and we each face our unique challenges. Growth is rarely about instant breakthroughs or sudden transformations. It’s about taking the high road, staying present, and responding with more intention, even when our halos slip.

Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know. Pema Chodron