Instant gratification takes too long. Carrie Fisher
Nobody likes to wait
In Melanie Watt’s children’s book, You're Finally Here, the bunny uses some choice adjectives to describe waiting: unfair “as having to eat a Brussels sprout”, annoying “as having a song stuck in my head,” and rude, “as running on carpet with muddy feet.”
Most of us would agree with the bunny’s characterization of waiting. Waiting can be unfair, annoying, and rude.
In an earlier blog post, I referenced how some of us even prefer self-pain over stillness. In a contentious scientific study, researchers at the University of Virginia found that people generally don't have the patience to be alone with their thoughts. They'd instead administer mild electric shocks to themselves than remain in quiet contemplation. While the study aimed to explain how humans seek out constant external stimuli, the root cause is clear—We. Don’t. Like. To. Wait.
But it used to not always be this way.
Waiting used to be a good thing
In the olden days, waiting was often seen as a virtue and an essential part of life, rooted in the belief that patience and delayed gratification led to greater rewards and personal growth.
The value placed on waiting came from several cultural, religious, and practical traditions that emphasized self-restraint, perseverance, and wisdom. In agricultural societies, farmers understood that they needed time and patience—planting and growing seasons—before they could reap the harvest.
Waiting and perseverance were seen as tests of faith and moral fortitude.
That has changed.
No time to wait
Nowadays, waiting in any form is universally disliked: whether it’s for a webpage to load, or at the checkout line in a grocery store. And our dislike does seem to get worse as technology continues to accelerate the speed of everyday life.
Remember “Good things come to those who wait”? Not anymore.
Good things now come faster to those with Amazon Prime.
The reason we find waiting so hard now is our increasing reliance on instant gratification and the expectation that things should happen now. Science explains this further.
The science and psychology
At the heart of our impatience lies something deeper: our brains are wired to seek reward and, ideally, get that reward as quickly as possible. This is known as the dopamine reward system, which pushes us to seek things that make us feel good—food, entertainment, or accomplishing a task. When we achieve something, our brains release dopamine, making us feel satisfied and happy.
However, when we’re forced to wait for that reward—whether it’s something as simple as waiting in line for coffee or as complex as waiting for a promotion—we experience a disconnect between our desire for instant gratification and the reality of delay. The longer we have to wait, the more tension builds as our brain craves that dopamine hit, but can’t get it.
Technology as a catalyst
Technology has only accelerated our desire for immediacy. The idea of waiting for anything—whether it’s in traffic, or for a delivery—feels intolerable because we are repeatedly conditioning ourselves to expect things to happen quickly.
Agree, we are busy people after all and surely have better uses for our time than standing in a grocery line. But there are plenty of reasons to delay gratification, as the famous marshmallow experiment illustrated.
The research is unequivocal: delaying gratification is key to lasting happiness.
So, how do we stem the tide?
How do we teach ourselves, or more specifically, our dopamine reward systems that instant gratification isn’t really that gratifying?
In a perfect world, we'd all savor the act of waiting itself. But for most of us, that idea feels like a utopia or maybe something from a far-off galaxy. It's more practical to focus on finding ways to make the wait a little more bearable.
Here are a few:
Practice distraction
It seems ironic to throw the phrase “practice distraction” in an article about personal growth. But the truth is, when our over-conditioned neural systems demand instant gratification, waiting can become unbearable. Shifting our focus by distracting ourselves with music, or conversation can help take the edge off the frustration from waiting.
Let it Go
Waiting is hard because it means admitting to ourselves we don’t have control over circumstances. Learning to let go can be very liberating.
Become self-aware
Simply knowing that we’re making ourselves miserable with anticipation or dread is the first step to making waiting bearable. That kind of inner introspection, though, does not just happen. It requires effort and training. This is where practices such as mindfulness meditation can help immensely.
Finally
Nothing fills me with more anxiety than watching those three dots appear, disappear, and then... nothing.
I’m sure iPhone users the world over can relate to that sentiment.
We live in an era of instant gratification where the very process of waiting seems like an antiquated notion.
But like good wine, the finer things in life take time to develop and mature. There is no way to short-circuit that process.
While we may never learn to love to wait, we can learn to approach waiting with a little more grace, understanding that some of life’s greatest rewards come not from the immediate but from the things worth waiting for.
I tried being patient, but it took too long.