If you are the smartest person in the room, it’s time to find a different room. Confucius.
In Alice Schroeder’s biography, The Snowball: Warren Buffett and the Business of Life, the author illustrates several anecdotes that led to the Oracle of Omaha becoming the legend he is. One such story exemplifies a value Buffett believes is essential to personal growth: be around people who elevate you.
After graduating from Colombia University, to fulfill his obligation to the National Guard, Warren Buffett had to attend a training camp in La Crosse, Wisconsin. Here’s Buffett’s recounting of his experience:
“In the National Guard, at first, the guys were very suspicious of me because my dad was in Congress. They thought I was going to be some kind of prima donna or something. But that didn’t last long. It’s a very democratic organization. I mean, what you do outside doesn’t mean much. To fit in, all you had to do was be willing to read comic books. About an hour after I got there, I was reading comic books. Everybody else was reading comic books, why shouldn’t I? My vocabulary shrank to about four words, and you can guess what they were. I learned that it pays to hang around with people better than you are, because you will float upward a little bit. And if you hang around with people that behave worse than you, pretty soon you’ll start sliding down the pole. It just works that way.”
Our need to belong
Fundamentally, it’s no secret we all crave varying degrees of social validation. As our hunter-gatherer group sizes increased, the need for belonging became ever-more important. And one of the easiest ways for us to gain social approval is by being the smartest person in the room. After all, who doesn’t love praise and being looked up to?
We like being liked
We like being liked, and enjoy it even better when we are praised for our smarts rather than looks. Acting and speaking like we’re the smartest person in the room does wonders for our egos. No wonder we’re tempted to continue basking in the limelight by seeking out situations, places, and people that make us feel smart and accomplished.
However, as Carol Dweck pointed out, praise can be a double-edged sword. Research has conclusively shown that praising intelligence rather than effort has some real downsides, fostering a fixed mindset instead of a growth one.
Being told we’re good at math because we’re naturally smart feels better at the moment than when we hear that we excelled because of hard work. The disadvantage to the fixed mindset is that the minute we’re confronted with a more challenging problem, we start doubting our intelligence and risk giving up on math altogether.
The bottom line is this: real growth requires us to step out of our comfort zones, into rooms where we definitely won’t be the smartest person.
So, how do we make that leap?
Seeking discomfort
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars… or, you know, floating aimlessly in space.
We level up when we’re pushed, tested, and exposed to new perspectives and higher standards. It’s those moments of challenge that actually help us elevate ourselves.
Surround yourself with people who challenge you, teach you, and push you to be your best self. Bill Gates
To fight our natural tendencies to stay cocooned and actively seek out discomfort requires intentional effort and openness to growth.
Here are a few ways:
Find a Mentor
Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction. John C. Crosby
Every single one of us can benefit from having a mentor—an expert who can see our blind spots and offer constructive feedback. They can help us stay accountable and provide motivation and encouragement.
If it’s hard to find one expert mentor, then maybe look for a local or online community or group of like-minded individuals who can serve as sounding boards.
Embrace Constructive criticism
People ask you for criticism, but they only want praise. W. Somerset Maugham
To stop being the smartest person in the room, we need to find rooms where people may challenge our opinions and ideas. No one like to be criticized but learning to listen without getting defensive is the best way to see our own blind spots.
Be genuinely curious
The world is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. Bertrand Russell
Curiosity is what keeps even the couch potatoes among us from turning into full-on human spuds. And it isn’t some esoteric concept, either.
If you’ve spent time around 4-year-olds, you know how fun it can be, until you are peppered with “why?” questions. Tiresome as it may be for us adults, it’s those whys that help the child understand the world around them. Sadly, as we get older, we tend to simply accept information as it is presented without bothering to dig deeper.
It is definitely true: If we stay curious, we will learn something new every day.
Not just book smarts
When we talk about not being the smartest person in the room, it’s not just about book smarts. Spending time with those who are emotionally more stable and mature, or think contrarian, or even people who exude positivity can do wonders to our sense of self.
Engaging with people from different industries, cultures, and backgrounds is essential. It’s the diversity of thought and experience that will help push our boundaries.
Limit time with Negative Nancies
As rude as it sounds,
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, a beautiful day reveals itself.
Frankly, we will always have to contend with our own share of Debbie Downers and Negative Nancies. It is in our interest to limit how much time we spend with them because the negativity is often contagious.
Finally, as Jim Rohn said,
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
Instead of being the smartest person in the room, it is way better to be the one who can leave with the most learning and yet sneak out unnoticed.